The Wonderful World of Ophelia Bottom - week one

Producer/director Ophelia Bottom has worked at all the super-indies at one point or another and has 37 flight cases and a Portabrace bag-full of dirt to dish. In her first adventure she relives the TV chaos theory. I remember when I first decided to “turn freelance”, my father recoiling in abject horror. Why do that when I had such a fine job at the BBC? Well aside from the fact that I had already shagged the boss and made life predictably difficult for myself (I spared my father this particular nugget of information), I was very frankly fed up with it. Its full of the worst kind of nepotism, which is fine if you’re a BBC “type,” but if you’re not, forget it. Believe me, the only person who ever made it to the top lying on their back was Michaelangelo and that was just the top of the Sistine Chapel. Apparently he was given to saying "However rich I may have been, I have always lived as a poor man." Which is ironic, because according to my bank manager, however poor I have been, I've always lived as a rich woman. I told him that I don’t even think I have a particularly extravagant lifestyle, what with coke down to forty quid a whack now, but even then he refused to extend my overdraft, the callous bastard. I mean who is he to judge me? ophelia.bottom@googlemail.com